Here I am at the edge

                                                    Dignity For years, and to this day, I had colleagues in the writing community, who asked why didn't I shout about my success as a writer ? I have several reasons, my dignity will not let me praise myself as I view self-praise as no praise. I would rather repeat what someone says something nice about my work than spout my praises. My friend Julia who lives in Seattle told me she thinks I am an excellent short story writer. My daughter, Alex, told me she doesn't know anyone who can engage her so quickly in a story as I am able to. Then there is also how do I see myself? In short, not a success despite my  bestselling science fiction series  -  https://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.com/2015/09/my-best-sellers-keep-selling.html  - or for the award -winning short story selection  ...

A chilling but true fact I never considered myself to be arrogant - most of my friends would say I'm too self-deprecating to be arrogant. Does the situation go back to my school days? Since my days at school, friends have told me that I can tell a good story, at first I thought nothing of the comment.  In later years, I chased the dream of being a writer. For over 40 years, I held onto those comments and I think this lead me to believe people might be willing to pay to read what I wrote - wrong! My blog is the proof of the pudding as we Brits would say. The blog gets over 300 pages read every day  and yet nobody is willing to pay less than the price of a coffee for my work. To me that says it all - if it is FREE - people will read what I write. E-books   In over 18 months, my series http://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/forgestriker-collection.html#.VkTRl1XhDnA   has sold 580 e-books . But, only the title book did well, the rest of the seven...

Acceptance is the key In one way, I am not selling on Amazon    https://author.amazon.com/books , as my ebook stock is not moving. In another way, I am selling there, as my ebooks are still for sale on the site.  Most have no sales ranking, but no ranking is better than having a ranking that does nothing but drop. Years ago, I accepted I would not sell at Amazon, the main reason is Amazon is a shopping site, not a book shop, another reason is I have not got a name people search for such as Stephen King , or James Patterson ; this raises the question how do you get recognized without being known - the answer is MONEY for publicity - on the sins of being a self-published writer .

I never know how much I was writing. When I was writing my award-winner (shown here), I never considered how much I had written for my friends; until I decided to put the stories in a collection.  Both this book and its sequel Wharfemere Finale contain several stories of over 2,000 words per story. It's amazing how much I used to write when I was In the Zone . The Word   Another example is my online serial The Word, for 14 weeks I wrote over 1,000 a week.  Mordhiemicus   I had the same situation with my fantasy stories about Mordhiemicus . This story started out as three stories with no connections, I decided to join the stories and found I had written over 20,000 words for the selection with the same amount required to join the segments into a cohesive whole.

An unknown story My friends will tell you that my mind never rests, I'm always trying to think of new stories. This is a case in mind. I have two excluside Kolchak DVDs in my collection, what makes them wexclusive is that the two films were produced before the series came out, a third story was planned but the series was bought up by ABC and the writer of the story was not taken on to write scripts. Carl Kolchak  #Kolchak   is one my favourite TV series of the 70s'. The story of the down-at-heel news reporter who chased demons, only to lose his story because he had to destroy the evidence to survive.  The character of Kolchak inspired the writing of my award-winning e-book Chronicles of Mark Johnson   https://www.draft2digital.com/book/32117 . The clothing of the character, shabby and worn is how I depicted Phil Moore, Marks' friend. The concept of Kolchak as a demon hunter inspired the lead character in my series. Chronicles of Mark Johnson ...

Or at least I'm made to feel like one. The crime My crime is being poor , white and disabled in the UK.  The Punishment For the last seven months, various members of Bristol City Council have been harassing my family. Rarely a month has passed without one council member giving us a problem. Normally, the council are hard-pressed to send a heating engineer once a year for a five-minute check. This year, they haven't stopped since March. The cause My stepson couldn't be bothered to take his daughter to school for three days after her mother left her with him after a weekend visit. The school phoned the mother and got no reply. So, they called the Social Services who paid us a visit; then they rang the Council. The reason for the harassment  Under the pretence of improving our home and bringing it up to modern requirements, the council have done everything short of evicting the family. The truth   They want us out of the house and they...

I am popular Forgestriker I don't make a point of bragging, but I think it's safe to class my series of seven books  http://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/forgestriker-collection.html#.VjIRN9XhDnA   as highly popular, with nearly 600 sales for the series it would be hard to argue otherwise.  Best-seller? Some of my friends consider me as a best-seller and in a way I can't disagree, the sales would indicate that I am selling many e-books . I have never considered myself a best-seller, and I don't think I ever will consider myself a best-selling writer.  #scifi The series has shot my online profile at Barnes and Noble to new heights each month for the last 18 months. This is mainly due to the phenomenal sales of the title book in the series ( Forgestriker). If more of the other books sold, that would help my thinking a lot. #GhostAdventures In the last few weeks, some of my ghost stories have started to se...

Time to accept a reality   Many people - not only my friends - have told me that I am a good writer.  The time has come for me to accept this fact, more than anything the factor that had me unconvinced - and to an extent it still does - is the fact that despite the mass sales for my e-book Forgestriker ; the series   http://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/forgestriker-collection.html#.Vi9utlXtmko  as a whole didn't sell well. Despite the restricted sales for the series, Sons of Baal and Forgestriker must be good reading as they have not stopped selling in almost two years. Chronicles of Mark Johnson It is true, I did win an award - three years ago - for the opening book in the Mark Johnson series. My pain is that neither this book or its sequel sold.  Ghost stories    One of the things that changed my mind is this month my ghost stories have started to sell. One thing that always stopped me believing I was a good wri...

Most effect Google Apps Usually, my readers come from countries, but yesterday's largest number of blog reads came from GooglePlay .  Strange as this may appear, it had no effect on my sales. GooglePlay is a site I don't put work on anymore. The site is rife for piracy, if J K Rowling and E L Grey can have work pirated, what chance for lesser writers?

George Orwell Wilfred Greatorex George Orwell    While the world waited to find out if Orwell's perception of the future would come to pass in 1984 . A more insidious future unfolded before our eyes.   Wilfred Greatorex The writer Wilfred Greatorex foresaw a future when the papers are controlled by corporations, and free thought is a criminal offense  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1990_(TV_series) .  Israel If you don't believe this is happening, read the headlines in the press. Israel gets blamed for defending her borders while Palestine can launch as many attacks as it likes without penalty. US Congress If you are to believe the press,  Hilary Clinton leads the polls in the United States Democratic elections ; mainly because her figures are provided by her financial backers. Independent reports will tell you she trails Bernie Sanders by over 40% in most areas.  Bristol city council In my life, this year has bee...

October in the past October 2011    Four years ago, I launched the opening e-book in what I hoped would be a short series of crime stories .  The Dockland Murders   https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/pat-canella-the-dockland-murders   was the first of my e-books to go on general sale. This book and its sequel Ghosts of your past  https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/ghosts-of-your-past   are highly praised for their authentic feel by an ex-policeman from Queensland. GOYP is my bestseller on Kobo . October 2012   Yes, that year again. In the October of 2012, my e-book Chronicles of Mark Johnson  https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/chronicles-of-mark-johnson   received an award for excellence from  http://indiependents.org/ . Both Chronicles and the sequel Wharfemere Finale  https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/wharfemere-finale   received high praises from an independent New York review...

P A Canella Inner Demons  Most of the people who have read about my award-winning e-book Chronicles of Mark Johnson  - are aware I share many of Mark's traits - I based the character on my persona.  There is another character in the series that I can associate with; that is his mentor P.A. Canella. I don't consider myself as the persona in the series. The original P.A. Canella was written long before the series came into my mind.  The original Mr. Canella was written about in a short series of long-forgotten stories about a writer who wished to be well-read, and yet remain anonymous - that is the P.A. Canella I associate with myself. Fame and Fortune   While I am neither famous nor wealthy from my writing - I have created for myself a good reputation in the world of science-fiction  - with the mass sales of my popular series ( Forgestriker ).  People will tell you that fame and fortune can change people. At first I told myself ...

Chronicles of Mark Johnson Award winning book  Last week I started to edit my award winning e-book Chronicles of Mark Johnson .  Grammarly   While checking the stories with Grammarly, I found numerous errors. This is the problem when you decide to go back after improving your style - and my styling has improved radically - with the help of my good friend Julia Petrakis .  Sales record    You may question the validity of re-writing an award-winning book after three years. The editing is validated by the fact the book has had no sales since the award in October 2012.  This triple book edition will be a better-composed edition of the first two series of stories, plus a series that is in the work-in-progress stage. Nothing to lose   All I have to lose is my time, and being disabled and not being a TV addict - I have a lot of time to use. Will the effort be worth it?   Only the readers can decide. As fo...

All gone in a blink Amazon ratings    It took me several days to climb from the bottom of my rating to a monthly high point, and in the blink of an eye it was all gone - and more. Such is the fickleness of the rating system on Amazon.

I am still good Erotic romances    Years ago, I used to write erotic stories for lady friends - with their consent - I would presume to write an erotic romance for a lady unless I had her permission.  Even in those days I was a good writer, the stories were so good that they were able to give the lady's full sexual pleasures.  None of the stories mentioned exists as I sent them in private messages to my former friends. Oyster  Last year, the book showing here was banned by the publisher Oyster for being too erotic. I find the banning of Sexual Explosions amusing as A Sailor's Love  is far more arousing than Sexual Explosions , and yet that wasn't banned. Could it be the mention of the "S" word got the book banned?

The time has arrived No surprises for me #Burnout It comes as no surprise to me to find myself burned out. What surprises me is that it took so long to reach this stage, for some months the urge has been getting less and has now gone dead.  Respite breaks   Sometimes have a rest can work for me, I don't think it will clear this malaise. My problem is that despite the massive success of  my e-book Forgestriker nothing else has sold, which leads me to doubt my ability as a writer.  Sales    With this month beating last month's sales and heading to setting a new monthly high for sale, I should be raring to write, but I can't get started.   A lot of the malaise started and continues on from the non-selling e-novella A Sailor's Love. The book took fourteen months to write and never sold; add to that the non-selling award-winning Chronicles of Mark Johnson and you see where I'm coming from. The long road   ...

Free to read  The last two years have seen a lot of changes in my lifestyle.  I have cut my caffeine intake down to a minimum, this has helped both my mental health , and my sleeping habits. Other changes have occurred, but the major change is I am no longer a nighthawk up until the crack of dawn, driving myself on. If 2230 comes, and I am not watching a film or TV, I will not turn the TV on; if I am watching then I will continue until the film or program ends, after that I won't put another on that evening. Another great change occurred five years ago which had an impact on my mental health too; I stopped worrying if my eBook s would sell, as it became clear that no amount of me using my blog to promote my writing would increase sales.

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome The day has arrived  Ehlers-Danlos syndrome    Many years ago I was informed by a specialist that I had   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ehlers%E2%80%93Danlos_syndrome . EDS is a muscle wasting inherited disorder, the syndrome is incurable and irreversible.  Acceptance and desire.   Unlike some people I didn't get angry - I didn't see the reason for anger - I had inherited the illness from my mother, along with other genetic flaws (I found out later). Nothing I could do would change anything, I had to accept what I had and fight on.   I told my friends and family I would continue to walk as long ans the Lord permitted me to, and I have.  Ironic     While I was in the Royal Air Force , I injured my left tendon playing hockey. I didn't think any more about the injury until four years ago when the tendon tore. I knew I was running on a limited time frame before the tendon tore, the t...

A new audience To my surprise, Germany is challenging the USA for readers of my blog today. As I was closing my eBook section on Amazon last night; I realised that my first sale was to a lady living in Munich . The only other sale of The Dockland Murders was for me, to show I had put the book for sale. Over a decade later, and the shop is closed, with no more sales for the short story . The mood changes   For a long time the main thrust of my blog readers were in the USA , with Russia a distant second. This week that has changed with Germany taking the lead from the USA.  What styles? As a writer you need to be perceptive to your audience needs, to this end I've developed a knack for picking my target markets. American readers prefer Science Fiction such as my hit series Forgestriker   http://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/forgestriker-collection.html#.VdhxgCgViko  .  Russian readers prefer the Noire style of my Pat Canella s...

Awards and Sales  What difference did it make? Award winner   Nearly three years have passed since my e-book   https://www.draft2digital.com/book/32117  won this award, and to this day, I am still amazed as to why this happened   http://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/strange-things-happening.html#.VdcZmCgVikp . Despite being an award winner, the book is still to sell more than half a dozen copies in three years.  Changes    I can honestly say - and people I know will tell you the same - the award meant a lot to me, but I haven't changed. I am still the unfulfilled, insecure writer I was before the award. Winning the award has meant little to me, and hasn't changed my persona, or my life.  Forgestriker    Even though the sales for the series Forgestriker  http://hereiamattheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/forgestriker-collection.html#.Vdca-SgViko   keep amassing, I am still dismayed. The reason ...