Here I am at the edge

Nobody knows  As Chronicles of Mark Johnson didn't sell, you have no idea how warped my imagination can get. I will warn you from the start, if you are thinking Harry Potter - you are so far off track your mind cannot comprehend my wicked nature. To have a small conception of how far I went, not how far I can go imagine a story closer to Hellraiser by Clive Barker , only on LSD. I shall be honest, I have no idea how deep into dark fantasy I can go; my previous voyage was restrained by having to consider my reputation as a writer , that is no longer a concern for me.

  Journey into my mindscape If you thought Chronicles of Mark Johnson was far out, to coin a hip quote from the 70's - You ain't seen nothing yet, baby - I did begin a fantasy story called Shandra , at the time I began, the concept was to be a fantasy story, but nobody wanted to read it. I may begin again, this time adding a more sexual tone to my dark fantasy story. I must warn you, if you dare venture into this area of my mind, you may regret the voyage; years ago, when I was writing the third book in the Pat Canella series, the story I wrote was so scary it gave me bad dreams for weeks; and I knew what was happening.

A Strange New World  When I was writing , some of my readers compared my work to that of H.P.Lovecraft . In some ways I can see why, however at the time I had not heard of him. One of the games on my computer is called Lust for Darkness , it is a murder mystery set in the world of Lovecraft with strange concepts of normality. When I was unaware of my approach to my work; I sent a copy of Chronicles of Mark Johnson - my award winning book - to the firm who published his work. Can you believe that? All I gained was a huge bill for postage.

 I didn't expect a lot Despite bad reviews of the film on IMDb , I was looking forward to watching this movie tonight. The main reason is it features three of my favourite actors/ actress from India ; Raj Kapoor , Lalita Pawar , and Waheeda Rehman . Sadly, this was not to be the case, not only is the disc scratched, on close examination I found it had a crack from one side to the other; for £1 a dvd I should have expected this, some eBay sellers will pass on junk. I am not one of them, if I find a faulty disc I throw it out.

 Running a check This afternoon I plan to run a check on some DVDs I recently bought from eBay , why? I played the first of the batch two nights ago, and found it was not a DVD , but a VCD . The difference is a VCD is a copy of film taken from a video of the film, and transferred to a DVD; I used to do this years ago. For UK , USA , and Australia n films this is not an issue, but as these discs are predominantly for the market in Asia , unless you can understand the language they are useless in Europe .  These films are not meant to be sold outside Asia, usually India ; the one I watched had subtitles , but they were hard to read as they are white, and the film has a light grey background. The subs were out of synch with the speaker. To add to my dismay, the subs ended about 10 minutes before the film; I could understand the film ending, but wished the subs had been there. I can get the film cheaply off eBay, so that is no worry. Years ago, I purchased some films from Spain , they were

I won't disagree  You could press the point that by taking my eBook selection down, I am denying the possible opportunity of being read by future generations; I would not dispute the point. My point is even the jester at the court got paid for his work, with the lending library system a writer is not paid, unless they are well-known, and their books sell by the thousands. At the start, Draft2Digital sent as many free eBooks of mine out as I was being paid for. Now, nothing has been sold, or given away in years, so I have nothing to lose or gain by my actions.

You could say I shot myself in the knee   You could argue, and I wouldn't dspute your point that taking my eBook selection down has killed my opportunity for sales . On the other hand, if Draft2Digital are sending my stock to l ending libraries , and my sales do not reach the $10 minimum for a payout, what have I lost?  Because of this policy, I was fortunate to get a payout per year, the last payout only came from a mass sale from readers on Apple .

A good laugh To add to the damage a lending library does to a writer , this short story is one of several which readers have asked if I was writing a sequel to. Yet, according to my sales record it has not sold. For your interest, I could easily write a sequel, and have thought about the prospect, then moved on as to my mind the ebook never sold as I saw no payment.

 Lending Libraries Years ago, I used to chat online to two ladies, one in Liecester , the other in Newcastle , who claimed to have my eBook selection on their Kindle . All I can say is they must have bought them from a lending library, as I never sold an eBook in the UK according to my sales records on Amazon , and Draft2Digital . The principle of the these librares is the reader pays for the bokk, the library pays the distributor for the book , but the writer does NOT getpaid untl the book reaches a set number of sales. The issue is a number is not set for the sales, so the writer never sees a dime. While you could argue I am being read, I would posit this is piracy as I am not being paid for my work. The bottom line is these lbraries are the main reason I stopped writing .

  I feel like a zombie By a zombie , I don't mean the George Romero film version - I mean a true zombe - a person who passes for living, but has no memory of the events that have unfolded. I am like the tree which to the unknowing appears living, but the insides are dead; the tree thrives because of the parasite which forms the outer skin that holds the shell together.

Taboo breaker  The death of Sridevi in Dubai will never be settled as long as the Kapoor family are alive. Maybe she wasn't the angel her image portrayed; today, I learned of a new angle. What I am going to say can be cut either way, but the answer is the same. In my world, one area of Taboo is a friend's partner. It didn't matter if Sridevi approached Boney Kapoor , or he went after her; as he was married to her friend, she should have either not began the relationship, or killed it at the source.

 Does anyone care? According to my Facebook page, I have 100 people following it. Of those 100, I know at least 3 have died; most of the rest began following over a decade ago, when I was a popular writer . I doubt 1% still read what  write;  get the estimate from the abbysmal reads of this blog .

 I wonder? This blog has 27 followers, I wonder how many of those people still read what I write ? Most of those people followed the blog when I was selling eBooks , which was over a decade ago. I suspect it is a case of the people are getting on with their lives, and can't be bothered to click the button to unfollow me. This brings me back to the main reason I stopped writing , does anyone read what I write?

 I live in an age that has gone I am no knight errand, but I often feel at odds with the modern world.  On one writing site I used to be on, I had the reputation of being like Don Quixote as I would fight for justice against the odds if I thought it was the correct thing to do. The world I was brought up on was built on honesty, a virtue which over the years I noticed is a rare as the Yeti , or the Loch Ness monster ; though I believe in both of the creatures, I have got to the point in disbelieving honesty exists in business anymore.  have tried to change my style of wrting to fit the modern age, it didn't work; I am not a prude who is against sex , some of my stories can be classed as erotica . The difference with my style is that the sex is part of the story, not the story; they are like the cinema in India . Years ago, the music was part of the story, now the acting is part of the musical. I can understand the change; the populace need a distraction from thier living s

 Sock Accounts The unfortunate ting about online shopping is that sellers with little honesty can create numerous puppet/ sock accounts; the sites don't have the time or resources to check the comments made on the sales of products. This practise was rife on Amazon a few years ago, and last year I noted several accounts on eBay which appeared to be puppet accounts. One way to check is if there are a lot of comments written in the same style. We write much the same, but if you check the way it is written, you can detedt the comments are copy/[asted not written by the spacing.

  The car industry What do you think of when Detroit is mentioned? Detroit boomed because of the motor industry, but while the indusrty boomed it gave people the power to travel . With cities such as Chicago , and Cleveland now within reach, Detroit felt the tug of its millstone. If the city had been built further north, who knows it may have thrived. Detroit is the most northern major urban settlement in Michigan , the rest of the north is mainly small farms until you cross into Canada .

 Is it regionalised? I don't think there is a recession , why? There is no doubt Detroit has been hit by a downtrend in the market, but is it a result of a recession, or a market trend ? I live in Hartcliffe , Bristol . Once considered to be the poorest part of the city, yet several houses within eyesight have two, or more cars, and the house next door has three e-scooters. I was watching a documentary on YouTube a few minutes ago about making golf clubs, how can there be a recession when the factory making handmade clubs at over $1,000 a club is thriving? I can beleive ths as I had a friend in Canada , she and her husbamd were members of their club, where she was the cook; both had cars, and golf sets. Not only that, the clubs had a microchip installed to guide the ball to the hole, telling you how hard to hit the ball.

Gina Lollobrigida   I didn't realise that  Gina Lollobrigida had died; today is the first anniversary of her death. To me, she was as beautiful as Sophia Loren , and a much better actress than C laudia Cardinale . I always thought "La  Cardinale" got her parts for showing her cleavage, her acting lacked the passion of her counterparts from Italy . When you have the passion of Sophia, and Gina, why show your breasts, let your acting speak for itself.

 The concept is flawed Why is Communism doomed? The basic tenet of Communism is the masses work for the betterment of the elite ; bees toil endlessly to ensure the queen is fed, and healthy with no desire for themselves. What anuses me is Jeremy Corbyn , the former leader of the Labour Party goes on about the virtues of Communism, he has no idea how the working class suffers in Russia ; all state visits avoid populated area, and only show the elite areas of cities. I visited Russia in the 1970s, and still recall how the people lived. Corbyn is the last person to extol the virtues of Communism, as the saying goes, "He'd be one of the first to go the wall," he owns seven houses; how is that for Capitalism ? He, and a friend, fund the Glastonbury Festival , where he talks about capitalism not working to people who can afford tickets costing over £300 for three days of music.

 Boko Haram That is an intriguing question. Would the media be so interested in attacking Boko Haram in Nigeria as they are in making Israel the villains in the Middle East ? This question raises the situation of who would be willing to provide the funds for the continuing massacre of innocents that the media forgets happens on a daily basis? I would not be surprised if the UK Labour Party  headed the list; they are known supporters of terrorism. From the IRA to Hamas . Would the "toothless bulldog" of the United Nations be willing to attack Boko Haram as they are in attacking Israel if there was no support.

Hamas  I am not denying Israel is attacking Gaza , but the media bias is twisting the information available. The emphasis should be on telling Palestine to stop sending missiles to Hamas in Gaza; then the Israeli Defence Force would have no need to go into the area. What the media forget is that in Nigeria , B oko Haram are killing more people per day than Israel has killed in the entire conflict with Palestine, but Africa hasn't been newsworthy since the death of Idi Amin .

What would it take to get me writing? It would be a Freaky Friday if I had an eBook sale, who knows the sale  https://author.amazon.com/books could be enough to encourage me to write again.

  Who would I want for my characters? For a challenge, I used to consider who I would have play the characters if my eBook was turned  into a movie? Mark Johnson is an easy choice - Clive Owen . I would have chosen Jill Hennessey from Crossing Jordan to play Pat Canella. The original leading lady in A Homecoming would have been Anouk Aimee , the French actress.

                      Last night, I was thinking about who would be the best actress to play Sridevi in a documentary; the answer is Tabu . Tabu Both ladies are slim, and elegant, and respected in Bollywood . There is however a series of issues that will deter the making, if not the concept, of such a film. Most notably, the Kapoor family, who have hidden details of Sridevi's last days; not hours, for six years. The family is Bollywood royalty, to go against their wishes is akin to suicide. The questions begin with the marriage, why would such an attractive lady, with her future in front of her, marry a man much older who had two children? The questions continued after her death, most notably, for someone so high profile in Asia , why did nobody take any photos of her during her final days, and why didn't the hotel staff notice she hadn't ordered food for the days? If as one report said, she was on a low sodium diet at the time of her death, why hide the fact; people real

 A double situation Four countries seperated by thousands of miles, but sharing one thing. Whether it is Israel , and Palestine , or India and Pakistan the issue is the same. Both India and Isreal have flourished, while Palestine and Pakistan are only content with wars. Since the partition in 1948, when the Muslims crossed to Pakistan, the country has struggled, not forgetting it was a Muslim who threw the rock which lead to the Indo-Pakistan war, which resulted in thousands of deaths. Since then, Palestine has recieved millions of US dollars , and done what? Nothing but buy weapons to export to Hamas to fire at Israel, and they complain.

 Savings Plan Saving has been easy for me, as I never had a lot of money; making cutbacks became second nature to me. When I save, I usually go through three stages. A) The begining is full of hope, and the joy is plentiful. B) The middle section is the hardest; I have saved but the goal is not in sight; this is the danger zone, I may get tempted to buy to appease my despair at being so far from my destination. C) The end is in sight, at this stage I can forgo items I would like to get what I sought. On the down side of saving, once you get to your target, you realise the money you have saved could go towards something a little more expensive that was out-of-reach before, and so the cycle begins.

 Religious bias The aim of this post is not to campare Sikhs and Muslims; I have the utmost respect for the Sikh population as they work hard, and are loyal people. This post d to show that the Burkha rule of being allowed religious freedom is nothing new in the UK .  My concern to the wearing of the Burkha is not religious, as far as I am concerned your religion is yours, don't try to force me to be like you - that is what I object to - that goes for Mormon , Jew , Muslim or whatever. Since the 1970's Sikh police officers have not been forced to wear a helmet, yet the helmet is designed for their safety. My concern is for national security, how can you trust a person who hides behind a cloak which can hide anything from a bomd, to a machine pistol? I recall my service days, I knew a corporal who served in Aden during the crisis, he said we had a rule, if you see a man in a robe check him; if he has one testicle, feel sorry for him; if he has two, be sure; if he as three hi

An Autobiography   Over the years, several people I know, or used to know have said they think I have had an intersting life, why don't I write an autobiography ? I did consider the project at one time, there was an Armed Forces charity called Sword and Dagger who wanted to publish my story, before I had the opportunity to collect my thoughts the project was shelved by a lack of funds. There are many reasons why I never considered the idea; mainly, I never thought my life was worth writing about. I've been to places, and seen things other people haven't, but most people could say that. I was never one to keep a diary, so I have only vague memories to rely on. I have had a few scares in my time, including three near-death experiences. One thing that amused me was when I wrote about one of my experiences on a web site I was on, some of the people on the site commented how scary it was to have had a ND experience. My reply was "It's one thing to read about them, i

 I was there I recall little about the 1979 European Cup Final, other than I wonder at the banality of soccer in Sweden at the time. The match with  Nottingham Forest was supposed to be between two teams who won the Cup last year. All I can say is it  is good thing Sweden is better known for speedway than football , if Malmo won the cup, Lord knows how bad the rest of the league was/ is?  have seen some negative tactics, but this final in Munich will be recalled as the worst match I have seen, either on TV or in person. There is not a way, a team fielding nine defenders, other than the keeper can win - no matter what game you play.

 Another sign of getting older Today saw another change in my diet ; I usually enjoy chilli cheese bites from Burger King , as from today I chose not to have them as they have a bad effect on my stomach. Another item off the treat list, soon I'll be down to chicken soup .

 Knowledge is available for all I won't linger on the non-arrival  of my DVDs from Bengal , more than to say, is it almost two weeks since the seller "claimed" to have sent a replacement, and there is no sign of the 12 discs. Not that I expected different from reviews of the site on eBay . In the modern world, it is folly to think people will not know the difference in l anguage s; there are so many documentary programmes, both on TV and YouTube , it is safer to consider the buyer can tell the difference. My case is a good example, the seller didn't know I watched TV from Spain on Netflix, and had been to Russia - true, a long time ago - and could recognise Coptic writing.

 Nothing new for me Before I proceed, let me clarify my sub-title heading. I do buy some goods new, the title is to depict that while while recycling is classed as a new trend , I have been doing it since my days in college (mid-1970's). In those days, I'd go to the Army Surplus Store , which no longer exists, and buy an old jacket, for no reason other than I liked the jacket. While somee people need to dash out and buy this years footbal shirt for their club; I prefer to hunt out shirts from t hrift shops that are from unusal clubs, which I then research online to further my education . I find out where they are from, and a little of their history . On the topic of geography , our youngest duaghter showed us a photo on Facebook that is disgraceful to me; the person was asked to pin a football badge in the area where they thought the club is from; of the 100 badges, less than 10 were correct. I admit it would be impossible not to have teams like Liverpool , and Everton -

 Work to rule I have always supported the working man, I am not against the bosses, we need to work together to gt the best results. I joined the TGWU - Transport and General Workers Union - in 1978 for job protection, not to take industial action. Until the mid mid-80's I was a staunch unionist, but that decade changed my standpoint. At this time, the unions stopped being a support for the working man; they became a political weapon intent on bringing down the Conservative party . At the time, I supported the Labour party, but I could see the damage the Unions were dong with incessant claims for wage increases, which the Labour party gave into, forcing inflation to unbearable levels.  It was these demands, more than the actions of Margaret Thatcher that sped up the demise of the party. When I was in college I crossed a pocket line during a students striek, for me it wasn;t hard; my friend Richard was stopped, he was half my size. After crossing the line, and said, "You'

 The Computing World As recent as the last five years, I would spend hours writing short stories on my computer , or laptop . now, I sometimes don't turn it on all day. I have pc games which I wanted to play, as yet, I haven't downloaded the software in the several months since I bought the information. I plan to purchase a newer laptop from eBay next month, primariliy for downloading fims from India . Who would have thought I'd go from bestselling writer to not being online for days in such a short time?

 The Original Hindi version This, to me, is a true gem of a find on eBay . The film, Devdas , could be on of the most copied films in the history of Bollywood; I have been able to find over 30 version online. This version is a gem for me for several reasons, firstly it is the original version in Hindi ; the first revision. I did not expect to find a copy of the film as it dates to 1936, and I never expected the film to have subtitles as films of this era rarely have them. The revisions are mainly in either Hindi, or Bengali . I have two other copies of the film, one from the 1960's with Dilip Kumar ,  Suchitra Sen , a nd  Vyjayanthimala . My other version is t he 2002 edition featuring Shah Rukh Khan , Madhuri Dixit , and A ishwarya Rai .

I have my favourites  Like most people, I have my favourite actors and actresses, the lady shown here is A na Wagener who hails from  Las Palmas . She may not be as attractive, to some - not me, as Penelope Cruz , to me, she is a better actress. While my favourites attract me to watch a film, there are some films I have looked at which despite having several of my favourites in, the story doesn't appeal to me. There are some films which are the opposite, I have watched, and enjoyed films where I hadn't heard of any of the cast, it was the story which caught my attention.

 The work of a writer When I was writing , I used to get asked, how much of yourself do you put into your characters? As a writer , it is hard not to put your views into your work; I find it helps make the characters more believeable, which explains why I rarely write zombie stories. I believe in zombies , but not the movie versions. Though my past plays a part in most, if not all, of my eBook selection; only the character of my award wnning short story selection - shown here - is based mainly on me, and then more about my opinions of the celebrity world than myself. A writer needs to walk a thin line between involving your beliefs, and becoming preachy, which is one of the compaints against the writer Sara Paretsky , and having read her work; I have to agree she does get preachy. Her charactre  V. I. Warshawski  played by Kathleen Turner  in the movie of the same name, is wonderful.

 Elizabeth Taylor One of the things that interestd me about the movie Elephant Walk   is did Elizabeth Taylor do her own stunts? I ondered because she was becoming a bid star at the time, and the finale has her running a flight of stairs as a troupe of elephants rampage through the house.  In fairness, the oner was told not to build hs platation there as itis on the elephants path across from the plantation, in Ceylon , to their watering hole. n looking into the film history, I found out that the original leading lady was  Vivien Leigh , but Viven had to return to the UK because she had a mental breakdown.

 Video downloader For the last month, if not longer, I have been trying to recall the video software I used last year to download YouTube videos. Yesterday, a reader read a post from last year, and solved the dilemna for me. the software is from Freemake . Now I have YouTube Premium I don't have any concerns if the video contains the subtitle software.

 Kenya Depending on your age, the name Kenya means different things; to most people it the country is associated with the attrocities done to the Asian population by Idi Amin . My generation (60's) recall stories of the Mau Mau rebellion of the late 1950's. If you were born in the 1930's, or 20's, you may recall a murder that was infamous at the tme; in what was known as Happy Valley . This was the murder of Josslyn Hay , the Earl of Erroll ; the Earl had a reputation for going after the wives of other men in the community. At the time, the mureder was acquitted, on his death bed, the man accused he'd done the killing, but can you blame him? As Noel Coward said, "Only mad dogs, and English men go out in the midday sun." The equatorial regions do not suit the Englissh people, the humidity tends to lead to us doing strange things.

  The River Queen Years ago, when I had a stronger interest in Classical Music than I do now, one film I wanted to see was The River Queen with a score by welsh composer Karl Jenkins . The story is set during the Maori Wars (1845 - 18720). The story is a romance about the conflict a young soldier  - K iefer Sutherland - faces when he falls in love with a Maori princess played by Samantha Morton . My wife's grandfather spent some time in New Zealand , and married a Maori lady.

 A peaceful mind Early this mornng, I was able to put my miind to reat on two of the mysteries whaich have been on my mind. The first is a cooking puzzle; I was certain we had a chicken carbanera  dish on the freezaer, but I couldn't find it in either of our freezers, what was the reason/ We didn't jabe one, last week, I gave our son what I thought was the chicken dish, it turned out to be a lasagna ; he didn't mind, what threw me was the creamy coating. In my mind, as I didn't find the dish it was still in the freezer. The second mystery concerned the book above; for years, I have tried to trace the book; I used to have a copy many yeasrs ago, all I could recall was the name Sylvia. What threw me is I was recalling an old cover with an oval picture frame as the background to a lady's face. I was certain it was a Victorian murder story, the story is srt in the inter-war years, in London . During my online search, the name Sylvia took me to the sad life of Sylvia

 The UK was top of the list For the first time, for as long as I can recall; yesterday the UK topped my blog readers, even if I halfed the number to account for me checking. To many bloggers this would be nothing, but the UK has always lagged behind when it came to readers of my blog . This doesn't mean there were a lot of readers, only that the blog has few readers when 20 readers a day is a top score for readers :( :(

  Loss of balance In  the last month, or so, I have had numerous dizzy spells, and a lot of occasions when I almost fell owing to a loss of balance . I put it down to either l ow blood pressure or low blood sugar . The one thing I didn't consider until this week is gong deaf . I should have thought of it sooner, I have had inner ear pressure building up for weeks; why I didn't consider I was going deaf was because I thought the pressure was caused by a wax build up. Inner ear pressure could also explain the constant pain down the right side of my face this week. Een if somebody is facng me, all I can hear in right ear is a low muffle if they talk

 I am not surprised Five years ago, I sold two copies of this book on Smashwords ; to date, I never got any royalties, I am not surprised, why? I always had my suspicions about the site, how could a site that is predominantly based in Australia , and the Far East surpass the reach of Amazon ? There had to be a reason why Mark Croker became a millionaire so quick, it is because the site does NOT pay the writers royalties. This wasn't the only time the site hadn't paid me, two years earlier I sold three copies of "The Dockland Murders , "  and never saw any money from those sales.  I wasn't surprsed to learn that Smashwords has joined with Draft2Digital , they are both as crooked as each other.

 In the Afterlife My interest in the history and cultures of India has given me a new idea for another short story . This idea is nothing like the science fiction I was acclaimed for writing a decade ago. This story is more akin to the romance I wrote five years ago , only not based in Israel ; this story will be more like my latest release, set in India .