Am I prepared?

Am I prepared to hear I have cancer?
I try to tell myself I am prepared to hear that I have cancer, but am I?
I laugh and joke, and view the odds that I may have cancer, but I spent yesterday shaking and sweating which makes me think I am not as prepared for the news as I like to think I am. 
Through all my illnesses I have pragmatic, perhaps too pragmatic for my family, that is what scares them the most, but knowing I have cancer could be the last straw.

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