The three steps of realization
It's hard for me to recall that at one time, writing was my drug; I couldn't go more than a day without writing a story without feeling on edge - now I can go weeks and not care.
What caused this change of heart?
The first thing that ignited the flames of doubt and realization was I almost had a nervous breakdown four years ago. In the days before I won the award (shown above), I was writing over 10,000 words every week with ease, and I feared I'd burn out. A close friend ordered me to take a break, as she feared I would have a mental collapse if I didn't stop writing.
I had my break and returned better equipped to write.
Two years ago, I made the conscious choice to slow down, not for fear of a repeat episode but because I realised there was no point in pushing myself for a few nickels and dimes.
Step 1 - I realised that despite what I thought - or was told - there is little hope of getting anywhere, even if I am a bestseller (other people's view).
Step 2 - I needed to separate my sub-conscious mind from my conscious mind. At the time, my mind was filled with stories brought on by vivid dreams that I planned to write up. This thought pattern I succeeded in doing to the extent that my ideas are rarely recalled for more than a day or two.
Step 3 - I realise now, no matter what I think of my worth as a writer or my work - it doesn't matter. I came to understand that worrying over something that I have no control over like sales is a waste of time.
In the long run, I stopped caring, one of the primary reasons for this condition is that over the years I have been lied to so often, I no longer believe it when people say they'll buy my books.