Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Mad, bad & dangerous to know

This is a phrase I often refer to. It was said by Lady Caroline Lamb about her friend and lover George Gordon Byron, later Lord Byron, the well known poet, but I feel it could apply equally to me in part. 

 Before you start to think my ego is running away with me, let me expound my reasoning and then you may agree. 

 I never think I am as proficient a writer or as popular as he was or is, that would be arrogant beyond belief and anybody who knows me will tell you, arrogance is not in my nature. 

Mad:- I am to an extent possessed by a desire to well read and liked, to the extent that I keep writing despite a lack of interest in my books. Apparently, there is a big following for my work; if so it must be underground as apart from a few people who I know enjoy the stories, there has been little evidence of it sales.

Bad:- People who know me will tell you I am my own worst enemy, not only do I not believe in the following I have (apparently) but I don't believe I am as good as other people, besides my friends tell me I am. I am also my own worst critic as I am rarely satisfied with my work. If yo wish to verify the madness, I dare you to read "The Descent of Mark Johnson" (Chronicles book 2) and not wonder about my sanity at the time I wrote the original edition, which was October 2011 when I was in a bleak phase, so dark and despairing that friends were concerned about my mental health.

 Dangerous to know:- Like many of the great writers I am prone to bouts of great depression when I feel my work is not valued, such as now. I have an award winning book which has not sold since the award in October 2012 and despite my editors thoughts that book 2 of "Chronicles of Mark Johnson" surpasses the work of book 1, I will not be convinced until I see it happen.

 There is a saying "There is a thin line between genius and insanity."

Byron was suspected to suffer from Bipolar disorder and Graham Greene did suffer from it, while I never claim to be of their greatness, I do at times wonder if I suffer to, I try to contain mood swings but it is hard when you spend months writing a story only to see the work ignored.

It is an interesting thing to note that while not modelling my style on any writer, my stories have been likened to the work of Mr. Greene and Mr. Poe. Edagar Allan Poe died insane and unrecognised in his own time. 

No comments:

Post a Comment