I need to believe in my ability as an author.
If my book deal comes to fruition tomorrow, perhaps then I can start to believe in my ability as an author again. I would like nothing more than to add the rep for writing romance stories to my rep for Spiritual and Science Fiction stories that I have earned over the years.
I try to keep positive but I know things can go wrong at the last minute, Jim Ryun led the 10K race in the Mexico Olympics but collapsed on the last lap and needed to be aided to finish the race. And there is the sad story of the horse that led the Derby by 10 lengths only to fall down and die within sight of the winning tapes.
It isn't pleasant being cynical, but after years of being misled, cynicism is my best defense.